sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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