just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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