I want to walk on stilts...naked
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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