Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
