my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
