We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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