sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it's like iHOP with fire
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
