I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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