I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
