She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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