dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Someone shit on the floor
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
