Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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