so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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