Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
