its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she told me i tasted like america
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
