so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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