Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
