She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
