If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Sober January is a disaster.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
