I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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