He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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