3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
