And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
