I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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