Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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