shes about as inviting as chlamydia
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
