Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
