Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
