Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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