What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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