I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
