It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
