I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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