I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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