Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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