Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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