So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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