dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm bleeding and have questions
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
