I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
