Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
