the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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