weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
