Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
