I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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