Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
