If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
