did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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