I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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