New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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