I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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