the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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