question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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