Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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