just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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