I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
