he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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