Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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