the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
