I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
