guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
