why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
